Monday, November 17, 2008

The bottom's gone from my world

Stuck, In a dip, more of a hole a black hole, and feels like the bottoms falling out of that hole and dropping me deeper.

Had a tough week, My GP is retiring at the end of this year, which I knew was coming but not so soon and having to see someone else and go through it all is upsetting. And then to top it off CC told me she is leaving in January too. And I am losing my job at work due to sickness

Got really low today couldn't move to answer the door to CC but eventually did. Have been messing with some clothes line (don't want to say it) and made a paticular shape and I have 80 paracetamol again. But It hasn't worked for me , it never works for me. And I can't take the dissapointment of coming to in A and E having failed. I think I've said too much hate discussing these things, especially here.

Sticking with Depakote now on double dose of 500mg twice a day. No benefit to note, and I feel it has speeded up the mood shifts.

Any rate am seeing CC again this week on thursday I guess that means I am of concern. and with the understaffing I have to appreciate that support, which I do. It's just no one can help me out of this hole, and just as I think they can I fall back down, sometimes further. That's the way it is for me, and I can't do it anymore I can't be strong, I don't have any fight left. I want to stop clawing at the sides and drift quietly down and away.


Disillusioned said...

Huge hugs.

I'm so sorry you are having to face the departure of two trusted, key people in your care. That can be so scary.
Can you arrange for a managed handover - perhaps a three-way meeting with the old and new people?

Please be safe.

La-reve said...

Hi C

Know you understand this frustration as you going through same thing. I'm sure CC will be doing handover as for GP I guess they will read notes. I don't know I guess I don;t have much choice but go with it.

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Seems everyone is being hammered at the mo'.

Don't know what to write really as I have had quadrophonic neggy stuff going on and am trying, totally futile most prob, to get some level of accountability from somewhere in the system. DOH!

Hugs is best I can offer. Hope they help in some small way.

P.S. Keep the fekk away from them paracetamol. Am here for ventings and other stuffs.


p3bbles said...

hang on in there

p3bbles said...

I meant also to say not to let things get you down - disillusioned advice is good - when my GP left recently she arranged for me to see the new one before she left so she could hand over properly
I read your blog everytime you post - best I can offer is support and a few hugs - I really do understand how you feel.