Friday, June 4, 2010

My Mental Health Act Assesment- Number 7

Well this morning went unremarkable, managed to do some washing though still in same clothes I was in yesterday and slept in (sorry) couldn't bare sun so stayed inside and tried potty training my boy.

About I think, I saw Shrink walk past my house. I knew this was strange. I saw her get into a car at the end of the street with two strangers. Alarm bells rang. I'm going to be assesed. I've been here before remember.

Thought flashed through my mind not to let them in but I know it wouldn't get me anywhere. I was told it was a pre-assesment- involving usual nice shrink(from Early Intervention in psychosis -EIP Nottingham), and Social worker I haven't met and someone from crisis team. I presume they were looking for a 4 to section me until 2nd medical opinion.

Anyway usual suicidal ideation questions. which I answered correctly(if you get my drift) and I refused crisis visits as well. So I guess I won depending on if you think I needed the care/admission. But bare in mind I would rather be dead than in acute care.

My Care co-ordinator has taken huff over me wanting to complain about her breaching confidentiality yet again to my mum,. She no longer wants to work with me so I don't have one for time being.,

I therefore have no point of call, which I guess is my own fault, but why is it always the case of no care or acute care?

Enough is Enough, maybe a few of you can comprehend but I have been cycling between highs and lows for over 2 years three weeks ish at time. I bought a noose I want to die. I know it will pass and my mood will rise. but it will also once again fall. nothing helps. to quote the verve 'the drugs don't work they just make you worse'. All I have is sedation.

On top of it all ATOS have decided they don't believe me and need to attend another medical on 14th June I have no care-worker to take with me. I'm just not going to go. at this rate its a long way off. maybe I'll send them my rotting corpse they can interview that and will no doubt certify it fit to work.

This may very well be my last blog post. Either because you know , or no one wants to read whining, triggering posts.,


Bippidee said...

For what it is worth I hope you carry on with your blog. I am really sorry you are having such a difficult time at the moment. And I can completely understand why you got pissed off with your CCO talking to your mum - you are an adult and she should have respected your confidentiality, particularly given that your mum isn't even your NR. What does your husband think about everything? Does he know how bad you are feeling? I really wish I could help in some way. I know at the moment you feel like you would rather be dead than in hospital, but I was reading back over some of your old posts, for example in one you said 'lucky that I'm here and I'm doing ok i'm alive and I get to see my little boy grow up'. I know you may not be able to see that at the moment, but maybe you could try and focus on things you have said like that - the positives? xxxx

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that things are so awful.

As bippidee said - how does your husband feel? Does he know what is going on.

I really hope you can get some help. I don't know what would be best, but it seems like you need to be kept safe. Hospital sucks, but it may be the best thing?

Is your husband around to care for you? If not, wouldn't you feel better for him if he didn't have to worry about you?

In many ways, when I was hospitalised, it was more for my bloke's benefit than mine. He didn't need the stress of worrying if I'd top myself if he left me for five minutes.

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Sure you wish you were :>)

We both been there done crappy t shirt so not going to say any more than that.

Am here for you...for as long as I live will be.