Health visitor came today after hearing about the overdose, so had to go through it all with her. She said I'm being stubbourn and am blocking myself getting better but I don't understand why or how I am doing that as I certainly want to get through it. She also said I need to think of the people I would leave behind and the effect it would have on them especially my son. She said my depression is already have detrimental effect on him. This has left me feeling more guilty about feeling and acting how I do, but it's these thought of helplessness and guilt that lead to the very actions I feel guilty about so going around in circles here.
After Health visitor went, was on a bit of a downer. Went and met friend for coffee which provided some distraction -All professionals keep asking me where I go from here. I don't honestly know as the health visitor says there is only so many staff and so many resources for all the people with mental health needs and so it seems standards of care naturally fall low. I have to be grateful for the 'help' I have been given, despite it not leading me anywhere. Got CBT monday have to hope that provides me with some direction as feel I am not only lost but loosing site of the path back to sanity.
Who knows what tommorow will bring?
3 comments:
Hi Lareve
You wrote, "She said I'm being stubbourn and am blocking myself getting better".
I have been told that on several occasions by MH professionals, usually when I don't buy the crap they are trying to sell me.
It is a form of bullying. Simple as. A way of getting round doing anything different than the bog standard stuff they do.
A psychiatrist once accused me of not wanting to get better because I refused a certain medication.
If you imagine the MH services as parents because often they do take on that role (It goes with the territory, I guess) then you can see thee dictatorial aspects of the way they parent. Is like they are saying "I am the daddy (or mummy) and I know best" and they don't. It is all trial and error and they should be wise enough to clock that...as human beings.
here endeth my anarchic response to what I see domination tactics from MH services.
Good luck with the CBT. Would like to know how it helps you and I don't mean that in a sarky way. Genuine interest.
Hi Mandy thanks for reading blog and post.
I think you're right about MH services. Reading your blog and some of the ones you have links to I feel being treated like a child(a naughty one at that)by the MH services seems pretty uniform
I am hoping the CBT works for me but depends on therapist etc, guess we'll see. I have come to realisation throwing meds at problem might work for some people but not me.
As for MH services am at end of tether and wanted to sack them all off. However, having more brains than I think they give me credit for, I am aware that this could lead to compulsary hospitalisation, hospital seems scary place to me at mo.
So for now reluctantly co-operating and playing up to their stereo-type. which is :
Person with Mental Health problems= Person without intellect to decide what is in their own best interests and in need of their superior knowledge/experience.
Hi again Lareve
All we can ever do is try what is available, when it is made available to us, and see if it helps.
Obviously, it isn't one way traffic. As in we have to participate in whatever treatment we get but we know that more than anyone else.
Sadly, when things don't work, we are usually made to feel it is our fault.
Some things aren't easily fixable. We aren't made up of Lego.
Hoping the CBT brings forth something of help to you.
:>)
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