Saturday, August 16, 2008

The day after the night before

Well Not been able to blog for bit. Yesterday spent worrying about meeting friend in town for drink last night which I had promised. Spent all day worrying about being out with people and what wear what if get upset etc etc. I also have a huge purple bruise on arm from bloods taken at hospital(I'm sure nurse did this to me as punishement for wasting their time on my self inflicted emergecy). Anyway, tried to get out of it all ways but eventually resigned to going out for brief drink.

Well I now have to admit to making a bit of show of myself. I don't drink usually and know I shouldn't on my meds but had bad week so managed to drink three bottles of wine between two of us. Know was quite drunk at this stage as spent hour dancing on a revolving dancefloor and coxing two hen parties to dance with us, all who said I was the best laugh and most fun person they had ever met( If only they knew) . Feeling a bit embarassed now about it all but was two hours where I forgot problems for short time.

Anyway, felt bit rough today. Prob not best time to decide to start drinking alcohol again what with meds and liver already likely damaged from overdose and giving it alcohol to filter no doubt not going to help it. But at moment couldn't give a s*"t. Mood not great today probably downer of the alcohol leaving my system. My care co-ordinator has requested that 'crisis' team call and check on me over weekend so no doubt have a bit of a pointless call from them tommorow. I expect this to be along the lines of 'what have you been up to ?... any suicidal thoughts, any plans.....ok speak to your care co-ordinator next week..' maybe I'll just provide answers before they ask them and save them some time. I know how overworked they are, and think bit bizare how they can find time to ring me on a weekend when there was no one available to speak to me whilst in A and E for 6 and half hours in week, when they must have more staff. But have given up trying to work out how Nottinghamshire healthcare Trust prioritise their patients and resources, just going with flow for time being.

Going to take last Temazapam tonight to get some sleep(hopefully)

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