Sunday, August 10, 2008

So it begins!

I was diagnosed with depression nearly four months ago and still none the wiser about how the hell I'm supposed to get out of this or how I got here in the first place. took nearly year to get a diagnosis and then I have been under care of what the NHS in the UK call a 'crisis' team well they helped me accept that I have depression but do not feel that I am anywhere near any closer to getting out of it and now they have discharged me for my local mental health team to pick up. Can't help feeling like some sort of leach for expecting support from NHS for the first time in my life and begining to realise that peole with mental health problems are like the poor realtions of patients with 'real' problems (i.e physical ones) . Although to me I would rather have a tangible physical illness than this dark, morbid uncertainty that is depression. If being depressed isn't confusing enough then the way the mental health 'professionals' treat you makes the situation worse. One minute I am being threatened with being detained in hospital (I have frequent and troubling suicidal thoughts - an have attempted suicide on 5 occasions over last 8 weeks) and the next minute no body contacts me or comes to see me for two weeks. Either they think I need the help or not. Don't want to be dependant on these professionals but seems they build your hopes up that you will get better and they will support you and then vanish. Anyway rant over.

Starting this blog in order to rationalise my thoughts and log my journey to wherever this depression is taking me, as at the moment it has the control. x

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