Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What happened yesterday!!!!

Well a lot has happened since I last wrote. Saw counseller yesterday for my last of four sessions and she was as unhelpful as ever. Anyway got home started thinking about call yesterday and how not only am I struggling to get control of my life back from the depression but also from the Mental health team. I wouldn't mind them controlling my life if I had any hope in their competence at all. Anyway was in bad place yeasterday took 40 paracetamol as wanted to die - can't cope with this anymore. Anyway about ten minutes later felt awful and thought of my son so decided to get shower to freshen up. Still felt bad went A&E. drove to park and ride(bad idea - violently sick on bus on way there - no one seemed to notice or didn't want to help crazy me)

When I got there was taken to a booth this time. asked usual I still want to kill myself said don't know really- I going to do this again?- who knows done it six times and each time thought it was last. Anway had to wait to see Emergency duty psychiatric nurse ( from my beloved 'crisis' team). then left for three hours . Started to feel pretty bad- half regretting taking overdose half regretting coming A and E and not finishing off. Left A&E ,wandered around in daze still with suicidal thoughts in head then came back to realise no one knew I'd gone. Anway after being there 3 hours, got blood taken by Male nurse who would insist on trying to make small talk and tell me how amazing it is that a lot of women he sees can't take tablets and I managed to shoove 40 down me. What am I supposed to say to that?? He then said no sign of psych team as very busy so going to take me to holding ward. Was scared they were going to take me to a Psychaitric ward. But when got there was ward full of people who they couldn't fit anywhere else. Waited there three until 7 .15pm- 6 and half hours after attending A and E still no psychiatric assesment. So I just got up left ward went home.

No call - no contact no nothing-Don't think they even know I went, such is the state of Nottingham Mental Health services. So that was my eventful day!!!

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