Thursday, September 25, 2008

Well not posted for bit- few reasons, decided to go to Newark on tuesday overnight. Was a place in sticks with nothing around. Did some walking (about 12 miles) and went for lunch at one of those old country pubs (where they all whisper as you go in - who are they they're not locals) . However have come down with cold passed on by son so in a way this has curbed some of the energy I've had of late.

Had CBT yesterday . Don't really see where that one is going . She trying to help me point out where I'm going wrong with my actions. Prob is when I had initial assesment problem was not leaving house - this is no longer the problem - problem at mo is sitting still and staying in house. I have soem urges to return to capital.

Couldn't sleep last night. Kept thinking someone downstairs - not sure if dreaming or not but got visons of being murdered and then I thought I heard people outside the door coming with straight jackets to take me away. I do need some sleep but thoughts keeping me awake and damn congestion despite taking half pack of Sudafed.

Got appointment with occupational health tommorw at work to see if they can HELP ease me back into work next week - maybe put me on reduced hours for a week or so. nice to have a wage back but prob is - my mood has been very low and is now quite high- neither are ideal for work as will either feel like throwing myself out of 6th floor window or will go for lunch and end up in another city. But I guess I' m young and physically fit so need to give work a go.

Will try and write a better post here soon, one that doesn't result in me describing my pointless and uneventful life.


Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

You've had it all going on there, haven't you?

When in Newark, you didn't come across a woman saying "This is a local shop, for local people" did you?

Is early days with the CBT, even though I think it is mostly the one slipper whatever your shoe size, it might bring forth something of benefit.

I wonder if you are getting some kind of reactive restlessness? I write this because I often think I go manic to escape depression. Not intentional..just I see a pattern there in myself. And it is purely a thought for you to chuck away if it sounds irrelevant.

Good luck with the visitor tomorrow. Are they occupational health? Whoever, hope they help you.


La-reve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La-reve said...

Thanks for comment Mandy

Could be reactive in a way it started out me doing things so I wouldn't have time to think and feel depressed/suicidal etc but now I feel like I don't have control of the energy.

I hope oc health helps as well just got visions of people sitting me away from any windows, scissors or staplers and watching me out of the corner of their eyes. But may be paranoia. Also will have to face questions of why I've been off.

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Hmmm...not having control of the energy. That could be anxiety driven and anxiety making it feel chaotic for you. Again just chucking thoughts about.

It seems bipolar is the fashionable illness of the day. I write that with as much concern as I do irony. It is not a nice illness to is the pits but I worry that there could be a tendency to overdiagnose..whereas in the past people who suffer this illness were diagnosed and rediagnosed a fair bit before getting this diagnosis.

I hope your pyschiatrist has as much common sense as they do training in their field.

And anyway, as you often say,..and I concur...diagnosis is one thing getting treatment or even sustaining day to day regime that helps is another.

Have waffled on here.

Going to head off for dinner in a min.


La-reve said...

Hope dinner is nice, got a box of cadburys fingers myself

I know I'm not bipolar and won't be speaking about or agreeing with that diagnosis. I just think I'm coming out of the depression, and the nergy is making up for the inactivity. I don't want to be labelled at all - who does? just want to be an average middle of the road person who doesn;t screw everything up. But then everyone doesn't? and what is average?