Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Decisions Decisions

Got through the weekend and saw cc on monday. She was surprised I hadn't contacted the nottingham crisis team. But I don't know why. Is it just me or is it a bit pointless if a 24 hour CRISIS team go into meeting for hours and there is not even one member to man the phones.
Anyway, can't realy remember what we discussed apart from mood which is still low. She said she had booked appointment for Shrink today regarding the fluctuation of my mood. spent Sunday and monday just cleaning as wanted to get the house and all clothes washed in case I had to go away, or I did something.

Anyway saw the Shrink and it has been suggested that I start on Sodium Valproate now to try and stabilise my mood. I was anxious on going to appointment and not all that talkative but did say I wasn't keen. Eventually agreed to take blood test needed before starting them and think about it until next week. The thing is I'm a bit confused the leaflet I am given says that meds are for the treatment of Epilepsy and Bipolar. I don;t have Epilepsy so are they suggesting I'm now manic depressive as opposed to the garden variety. The thought of being 'ill' for the rest or my life took me to the bridge this afternoon literally, sitting willing myself to jump but instead rang cc who is a SW but she said not changed diagnosis at mo its just to stabilise my mood as anti-depressants haven't worked, but I know what they are thinking and to be honest I don't appreciate them treating me like I don't have a brain or the ability to google a particular med. (oh dear paranoid part of previous test may be showing)

So I guess it's decision time for me - take a med with some serious side effects and which is usually taken for long term or try and ride the current mood out- either that or Plan C- we all know what plan C is.

1 comment:

Mandy said...

Well honey

You can be uplifted by the fact you have manic depression. Well, according to Stephen Fry.

Watched a re-run of a Halloween QI special, last night, and he claimed that it is better to have manic depression because they get the highs.

Hell, if Stephen Fry reckons it is great then it must be..mustn't it??????

Then again, was informed on my blog that he no longer classifies himself as manic but suffering some other illness that I had never even heard of.

Sense a DOH moment coming my way...right about NOW