Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas was good, it went really well, hectic but well. So well, that I decided on friday to give up on medication, all together, thinking I was cured. It didn't take long for the thoughts to come back. Why won't I ever learn? Why must I insist I am always better? or I can think myself cured? Or that I know better than the professionals? I am an idiot. An idiot who can't face, and won't face 2009, another year of hell. I think those days of being well, of being HAPPY are gone. Which leads me to my song choice, its an oldie that's been playing in my head and thought I'd share.

5 comments:

Feathers said...

Read you post and the song made me cry for some reason.

Like yourself a few weeks ago longed to be better...under CMHT, overdosed severely summer, psychiatrist said depression was not bad...although ended up very suicidal one night last week, spent Christmas severely depressed refused to even see my own children spent it on my own, felt so ill...am trying and they are back...but depression anxiety continues.

Did not want medication stopped it all last year, nosedived into overdoses now am high risk to have it even...so here i am totally a mess, therapy am meant to be getting, they say it will cure me, only thing is cannot go out now for anxiety and so on.....

and another year 2009 looms....thought too i could get better on my own...
sorry to be so down and leave such a negative comment, just kind off your post spoke off a lot of what i feel am going through at present.

Just so confused with it all really, do not know who to trust and so on.

La-reve said...

Hi Feathers

You feel free to post what you like. There is something in knowing you are not alone in what you are going through, and that is the importance of blogging. I am sorry you had such a bad christmas and I wish I could say something positive. You shouldn't have to keep waiting for therapy but all I would say is don't expect it to be your cure, it may be, didn;t work for me but I wouldn't want you to be dissapointed and pin all your hopes there.

PS- Thanks for visiting and the comment. Hope things improve soon. x

Lola Snow said...

Things were better though weren't they? So if you start taking the pills again, they will get easier again. It's an easy mistake to make, no one wants to have to take medication, but it's not giving you an advantage, or taking an easy road. It's getting you onto a level playing field to live your life. Things will get better for you La-reve.

Lola x

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

People mess about with meds all the time, hun, so don't beat yourself up about that.

I know people who store meds, people who don't take the meds and still go to meetings with shrinks and say they do, people who take more than they should (as and when they feel the need) and many who add their own kind of self medication in with the meds. I am not saying that is reason for anyone to do any of those things. I am not the world's expert on such things but just highlighting fact that the road to getting any kind of balance (or maintaining it) isn't a straight one.

And if there was such a thing as a psychiatric wagon most people would be falling off it rather than travelling along comfortably.

Glad Feathers found your blog. Is always heartening when people feel there is someone else they can relate to.

x

La-reve said...

Thanks Lola and Mandy
I guess I can try meds again but just started to be able to function slightly on them. I just feel like I'm off the med med wagon, more than on it. In fact I'm more like being dragged along by one hand on the back of it.