Tuesday, December 30, 2008

You do the math.

245 days - 245 days since I was diagnosed with initial depression, 245 days on intermitent medication. 214 days under Nottinghamshire Healthcare NHS trust. 68 days I was under the crisis team. 144 days with CMHT. 6 med changes, 6 overdoses. Sometimes I think my life is just a set of numbers. Isn't that all we are. 30/12/08 is a significant set of numbers. I am tired or numbers or endless sums. Nothing adds up, I can't balance any equations. They are one sided, uneven and always have been. 102 posts- thanks for reading.

2 comments:

Lola Snow said...

Bloody numbers everywhere. They are all bollocks and all changeable. Very little is set in stone if you don't want it to be. We all care for you La-reve, stay safe.

Lola x

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Has this frustration been triggered by you accessing your medical records.

I asked my GP to look at mine once, when I was applying for DLA because wanted to be clear about what had been written about me and what that meant to me. Actually, not much when it came right down to it.

I come across lots of terms that I had to ask to be explained to me. I can remember one term being something like 'emotionally lobile or is it lubile? Fekk knows but the GP told me that it meant I had rapid changes in emotional states. So why couldn't that be written instead of some smarty arse of a term that means nothing to people who don't talk shite.


The bottom line is that what the scientists have to offer is terms and meds. And if you manage to get a med that works then it is all well and good for as long as it works. But you can't wrap up people's lives and experiences in a term or sort out the complexities of the brain and how it has filed, refiled and misfiled stuff you have carried around for years.

I think pyschiatry is a lazy cop out in a society that is pretty screwed up all round.

Contraversial but you know what I don't give a monkeys. It is my view

Hope the mathematical dilemma disappears and you can get to a more comfortable place being you. x