Friday, February 27, 2009

I'm being discharged

I am still stuck in my haze at the moment I took too many quetaipine a lot too many and am suffering. I told my care-coordinator yesterday how I really don't see the point in being here anymore and how I want to die, I know how, its just getting the motivation. I told her that I don't see how she can help me as I have to live with this and I can't go on anymore.

Her response was to say she is not coming to see me anymore. she will try and ring me next week and if I'm not in or don't pick up she is going to close the file altogether and discharge me. I have been requesting to see shrink for three weeks but she hasn't got me an appointment either. who knows all I had to do get discharged was actually require some support.

So thats the end of CMHT for me or so it seems. I don't really care. I won't beg for their help. Anyway they can't help me. I can't live like this anymore. It is no life. I am already dead. the days are black and I struggle to go through the motions of living when everything is hopeless pointless, futile.

I am tired - I'm tired of feeling great one week and utter shite the next I'm tired of hoping believing I am better and then dropping lower still. I have no more energy, no more will. Nothing to achieve, nothing. I won't stick around to play this game, to be sectioned. I want to check out. I must check out. Thank you.


Hannah said...

Please hang in there La-reve, you're in such a terrible place right now, but we all know these come and go. Sometimes the pain feels as though it will last forever, and when you are stuck in that dark place it's so hard to remember there ever being a time when you were free of it. I'm sure if you dig really deep inside you will see a tiny glimpse of those happier times, a tiny light? Hold on to that glimmer of light and let it pull you through, when all others fail you it is up to you to find the strength inside yourself, and it is there - dig deep and you will find it.
sending you much love and hope,
Hann xxx

Lola Snow said...

La-reve. You have every right to be jaded and fed up and tired of living, but it will pass again but you have to stick about to know that. I bet there has been a time when you have been "up" and wondered what you were thinking because the world is so beautiful, how could you leave it? It comes back La-reve, it always comes back. Please stay.

Lola x

Abysmal Musings said...

Hannah and Lola said everything I was going to. Take care ok? There are hands reaching to help from all sides. And all things pass, although it never feels so. You'll make it. That's a promise.

Love and sympathetic grimaces, D x

Disillusioned said...

It really is tough where you are right now. But it can improve, will improve. I know how hard it was for me to believe that when I was really down, but it is true for me now. Please hang in there.

Your CMHT sounds as terrible as those in my location, btw.

Nick said...

I'm so sorry you are that terrible place :( please don't give up though, I don't knowcwhat to say but I really don't want you to leave. Maybe there is a way to be happy but you just haven't found it yet. I hope you are safe, Lareve. You can always contact me if you want someone to talk to.


Abysmal Musings said...

Hope you're ok Lareve.

D x

Mandy said...

Hugs from me to you xxxx

Nick said...

Are you ok? Please let us know what's happening Lareve :(

Nick said...

Has anyone here heard from Lareve since this post? :(