Sunday, March 8, 2009

A mood shift? and shrink anxiety.

Well I am no longer earth-shatteringly depressed- I think it has passed and am on the upwards. I at least have energy to construct a post of more than two lines.
Sorry if I caused concern over lack of posting. What I neglected to mention was I was at center parcs this week. I wasn't sure I would go but I didn't want to let people down. The surroundings were beautiful but my mood wasn't . I came home friday exhausted, having to be good company when all I wanted to do was hibernate was draining.

Anyway when I got back I have had a few missed calls from Care co-ordinator. Also she has been to visit and handposted me a letter for an appointment with shrink tommorow. I thought I was being discharged? I guess they have changed there mind or something. not sure. Last time I saw Shrink I had to have MHA assesment and she wanted to have me sectioned. I am therefore concerned about this upcoming appointment and whether I should even attend.

Thing is, I am going to have to be really careful what I say and how I come across, as last time all I did was be honest and didn't feel I came across as ill- but they obviously didn't see it that way. I also think they know that I am not taking the meds they keep bringing me.

Things I know they will ask

1.Am I eating?
2.Am I sleeping ok?
3.How is my mood?
4.Am I taking medication?
5.Do I have suicidal thoughts?
6.Am I having those psychotic thoughts (their words)

Things I want to ask
1.What do they think is wrong with me?
2.Can I finally see the other half of my medical records?
3.Am I being discharged?

But these things never go to plan. Tommorow I could be sectioned or discharged I just have no idea. Maybe I shouldn't go. But not sure if that will cause extra concern.

Feeling edgy and jittery and can't sit still maybe thinking about this appointment or the mood shift. Damn mood, I guess I have surivived another depressive period but surviving is all I ever do, Surviving is not living and I haven't lived for a long time.

Now I am back will try and be a bit more of a better blog poster and reader but no promises. My presence in blogland is as shifting as my moods. Take Care all. x

P.S-sleep has gone again 48 hours now - any fluctuation and its the first to go :(


Anonymous said...

I know the just surviving bit. Hope you're appointment results in neither discharge or a section. THinking of you x

La-reve said...

Thanks Emma . Appointment at 4pm will post after if I'm not carted off to loony bin. I live at the back of the old asylum. the Irony.

Jessica said...

Thinking of you.
I miss having you around. Hope you can ride this through.


Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Glad depression has abated.

Not even going to touch on the surviving bit but am glad you are more uppy and hope you get some sleep in there somewhere.



Polar Bear said...

La reve
Hope the appointment went well.