Monday, August 10, 2009

These nights are killing me.

Saw CPN today she said how pleased she was that things were going better for me and how weell I seemed. And yes I am better, at least I am in the day. But it's these nights they're killing me. I can't sleep, I feel so anxious, I have to go out, I get up then sit down then get up...... I dance,cook,clean...

I think up ideas ..maybe I will go college in september, maybe I will get signed back on and go back to work earlier. Maybe I will look for new work, maybe I will start a business, become self employed.. Ideas that never take hold or come to anything.

I can't sleep, the Quetiapine doesn't render sleep anymore. I feel tired all day, but have my son to look after then when he is in bed and I could sleep, it's like somebody switches the lights on and this energy comes. Last night I took Diazepam and Lorazepam and still I didn't sleep. It's no wonder the days pass by like dreams, dreams that can be remembered only once you awake and are then forgotten forever. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

1 comment:

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

From what you write you are sounding manic. Not there, so only you really know what is happening but ...just.. well I dunno honey.

If meds (as in more or different) are the option then perhaps you could try a different sleeping pill...Someone I knew in respite care tried something called 'Sonata' and swore by it but one man's sleep is another's waking nightmare.

Know it is a bit like a not so merry go round..trying this, tweeking that. Surely, there must be something that really does help. Written with a level of personal despair.

Hugs and hope some balance is found and you get sleep soon x