Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Work focused interviews- and Am I going mad ..........again?

I went to my work focused interview last friday. Even though I have not been put into any group and had ESA stopped I have to have a meeting every month to discuss how they can HELP me get back into work. The advisor knows its silly she has told me that she knows I am notwell enough for work, so she agreed with me to do 'bare minimum once a month' this involves a twenty minute chat about how ill or well I have been and what I want to do in the future.

Anyway friday was meeting 3, I have 5 so only march and april to go. I have to have a private room becuase in intial work focused assesment they wanted me to sit at a desk in open plan office and I had an anxiety attack and couldnt talk. so now they book the private(loony) room. She said she was very surprised ESA had been stopped she siad she would help me with my appeal and that she is sure I will be succesful. she also said I should put complaint in to ATOS for not even getting my condition right. But I can't handle any more paperwork at mo.

On the mental front. I think I might be going mad...again. It was about this year I started to get really ill and ended in hospital in March for nearly two months. I'm notsure if this is just a bad ime of year or the ESA thing but I can feel myself slipping. I havebee really lowlast couple of weeks, and suicidal at times though I have avoided ringing crisis as they are no help.

Today I feel a shift in mood I am quite energetic/ I have been swimming, tidied house and have dance music out again. I also have been to top of multi storey car park again. the last time I was there I was arrested on 136. I did not stay long enough for police this time but I felt quite a buzz being up there. I looked over the edge wondering why I thouht I could jump before. It did not seem high, 6 storeys high seemed like a mere foot. was nearly hit by a bus because I was lost in my own world crossing the road. Everybody arround me seemed to be walking in slow mo. I saw a solicitor I used to work with today - she ignored me - dressed for court and immaculate- I would have ignored me to. I could have been an upstanding citizen like her once but now I am mad....MAD,SAD sometimes GLAD.,. I don't know. Damn ESA sent me into spiral - to who knows where - not hospital- I will die before I alow it.

10 comments:

la said...

Please don't die =)

Does this current ESA situ sound sane to you? If that's sane, I'd rather be mad.

Take care xx

Kate said...

I can't believe they're making you go through this. It's a total waste of everyone's time and resources and distressing for you at the same time.
Why the HELL have they stopped your ESA? If you're making an appeal, they have to continue paying you the basic rate until a decision has been made. At which point, assuming that you'll be awarded it one way or another, they pay you at the full rate and backdate it to the 14th week (i.e after the assessment period).
This needs sorting. Get someone on the case.
Really sorry you're going through all this shit. Please try not to let it tip you over.
Oh - and I had to attend one of those interviews today. I just sat staring at a fixed point in the distance, grunted a few times and they let me go - after 5 minutes!Sorry yours was an ordeal.
Take care
K.x

Kate said...

P.S - Given your DLA status, you're also eligable for the severe disability premium which is paid on top of ESA/JSA regardless. You should have been getting it since you first claimed.
K.x

La-reve said...

Thanks La

Kate- I don;t think severe disability premium applies in contribution based ESA.? I am rather confused about it all. Got letter to say they will pay me at assesment rate until appeal. I half think I should get job but who would employ me and I am in no fit state for even PT work at mo, thanks to the DWP.

eccedentesiat said...

ATOS healthcare were the people who messed up my assessment too. The "doctor" was abusive etc and my dad made a complaint for me as well as doing my appeal. Both were successful. They like very much to bully you if you have a mental illness. I guess because so many people go on the sick pretending to be depressed and such but it only takes a read of our histories to know that this is not some elaborate and lengthy lie that we've spanned over many years.

ATOS healthcare are a joke.

As are the back to work meetings. Mine are generally one minute "you;re alive and can't work, now go" things.

Take care you, hang in there xx

David said...

It can be sorted out. Just try to keep remembering that. And it is always an anticlimax when it does get sorted out, because it's always easier than we imagine.

I wish I could 'sort out' these bloody atos people and the other morons who don't know, don't care, and don't care to know nor care. GRRR.

Sending you big oodles of goodwill,

Dx

p.s. I'm crap at forms too (morally, ethically, and angrily), but I'm sure Kate and La would be a great help if you need help. They've been there and done it.

p.p.s. I don't like carparks either - best to avoid those places eh? x And by goodness make sure you stick around - it's never that desperate, even when it feels it might be. It never is. Honestly.

And on a purely selfish note, I'm looking forward to you making this year's Wern meet.

Dx

Kate said...

LaReve - I'm 99.999% certain you're eligable for premiums. It doesn't matter whether you're on contributory or income related ESA.
You should get the Severe Disability - £52.85 and the enhanced disability - £13.40. since you get high rate care.
The DWP are crap in telling people about these.
Make sure you get'em!
K.x

Jessica said...

Hi La-reve,

Although I do not know much of the health system to comment, I do hope that they would rectify the wrongs they have made and not put you through this horrible sufferings again and again!

I know you are tired but pls fight through this ok?

Jessica said...

sending hugs over xx

Kate said...

LaReve - My apologies - I may have given you misleading advice earlier. You were right about the contributory ESA affecting your premiums. However, I talked to a collegue today (anonymously) and she thinks you may be entitled to some income related ESA as a part of your award. Not knowing much about your circumstances, I can't really advise on this but it's worth getting someone to check this out - possibly with a CAB adviser.
Secondly, the severe disability premium is also effected if you have someone living with you - a partner specifically and also if anyone claims carer's allowance for looking after you. However, the enhanced disability premium shouldn't be effected. If you win your appeal and are put in the support group for ESA (which, frankly I think you should be) then the enhanced disability premium is automatically rewarded on these grounds.
I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions there. It's a new benefit and we're all still learning the rules!!
Hope you're coping and getting the right support.
K.x