Friday, March 12, 2010

Bad Day

Woke up to letter from welfare rights telling me to ring tax credits so could give them chidcare details in order to claim childcare back and severe disability premium.

Spoke to lady on phone. She said- you are wrong - you do not work so why should you get help with childcare. Told her about MH problems and DLA and letter from Welfare rights (CAB type place) that says entitled. she then changed tone and started talking in slow patronising way like I was retarded or something. (having BP and all). She said it wasn't enough to have DLA as DLA didn't mean anything about if I could care for my child. She then asked 'can't you care for your own child?' which left me stumbling and very upset when tried to explain that for his sake and mine need respite sometimes. (2 days week nursery). I explained to her that have high rate DLA because need care during day and night. She then asked if I was on my own and could she speak to my 'carer'. Told her mum was on way and partner just left. She said if on own now with son why can't you look after him all time?

I got very upset. She said I should have told them about severe disability back in october when awarded. I explained I thought DLA people would inform them, and that I was already getting this. She said it was my error and they won't backdate it. She said she will try and get me classed as 'incapacitated' for childcare, and will wait til welfare rights write to them.

This left me feeling pretty crap and worst mother on planet.

To top things off got into big argument with my sister this afternoon re:mothers day. They want me to spend day with them and my mum. But I can't handle this because well you no the horror of last years mothers day- ward and stuff. Also its my partners birthday and can't leave him and then friend has offered to come out with us to pub so I can get a treat for MY mother's day(which I'd rathr do). I am being pulled in so many different directions when all I want to to do is sedate myself and hide away to forget that day's memory.

Anyway sis got pretty nasty she says I am selfish, that all I care about is me. She said I deserve to be ill. I will be ill all my life and have a life sat at home to look forward to as no one will ever employ me. She says one day I will commit suicide and die- so shame.'

Think she may be right. think Tax credit woman is right when she said so you can't look after youself and you can't look after your son? as if to say 'what use are you really?'

There are people who do well with this illness people who thrive people who excel. I could have been a partner in a solicitor's firm by now instead I am an unemployed law grad with no prospects. Why can't I manage this if other's can?? Why am I so damn weak??

LR x


Kate said...

It just takes time. You're still in your twenties. It took me until age 36 to start getting my life together (and it's still precarious). I hope it doesn't take that long for you.
As for your sister - that's just the most upsetting, unkind thing to say imaginable, I just hope she didn't mean it. Family's can be very harsh. Perhaps she just feels useless and frustrated and is lashing out because she can't think what else to do.
You should do what you want on mother's day. You're also a mother and you deserve a night off.
Hope things start to get better soon.

La-reve said...

Thanks Kate

Hmm. yes time and patience. Never a strong point. Not sure if sister meant it but she said sick of not being able to 'say anything because 'sister's mental' She is 19which prob doesn't help.

Just feels like a lot coming all at once.

I know it's not popular view but the like's of Stephen Fry et al are to blame for making it seem like BP is some sort of treasure and we all get be succesful and high achievers. When day to day living is hard enough most of time.

David said...
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trio said...

Horrible day, just try and move on. You are not a failure the fact you made that phonecall and you are managing to make a decision for yourself on mothers day is a good thing!

Stay strong!

David said...

[edited to remove unnecessary unkindness about over-exposed celebrities]

As for the woman on the phone, she sounds like a horrible harridan of the first degree.

Sister - well - family do come round to illness or not, and after we've all given them time enough then we know who are friends are within family. Been there, done it, and funnily they often change their minds after a year or so.

Yes. We can choose our friends, (even if they are family!). But never write them off. Hard though.

I would be furious, and I expect you are too, esp regarding the childcare woman. And maybe more the sister.

It's not right to treat people like that!

Sorry. I read this post maybe eight hours ago, and I often have to leave your posts for a while before replying because I am so angry about the way you are treated. It's half six, and I still can't keep it bottled up.

I bet you are a super mother. And you'll keep going because you are.

That's all. Leave the snipers and prima-donnas to stew in their juices.

Big hug, Dx

Forbidden Regrets said...
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Nessa said...

I don't think you're week. The woman on the phone and your sister, they were both horribly mean. My family gets frustrated with me too. While it's understandable, people need to be more aware of the effects those words can have on us. I'm constantly battling my own brain that keeps telling me that I'm useless and don't deserve to be alive... so whenever someone actually says that to me, the forces align against me and eat me alive. They don't realize of how hurtful it can be.