Friday, June 25, 2010

I don't take meds...well antipsychotics anyways..and Discharge

Ok. Today I came clean to my Psychiatric team (rhymes sort off) - I told them I haven't been taking my meds (Quetiapine)- well since about January really.

How it happened was that new Cco rang me and we had chat and she wanted to bring round this weeks meds. I didn't want to see anyone so told her I don't take them anyway. I am glad they know. Because well, I have been feeling guilty about the high cost of meds I am not actually using. 2. If I am to have new Cco might as well start off being honest.

I have wanted to tell them for long time , but was afraid it would be used against me to- well you know that SECTION word. Anyway, I don't care anymore. I don't and wont be made to take medication that is ineffective and does more harm than good- even if it does make me a more docile and compliant patient. I was ok taking the Valproate it did actually stabilise things but they won't give me mood stabilisers because I am a pregnancy risk despite being on pill, and not wanting to get pregnant.

Anyway, apparently I am a bit too HIGH....blah blah...putting myself at risk..blah... not making rational decisions. I don't know. I asked to be discharged from secondary services but apparently I can't make that decision whilst I have elevated mood. Instead they tried to force Crisis team on me, the same Crisis team that sent a drunk man to visit me last sunday. I refused and instead they have just been alerted. They are coming around with a psychiatrist to visit me on monday. I don't know to what avail. I am not allowed Lithium anymore as they don't believe I will be compliant. So I don't know what will come from there little bag of tricks..Ha....NOT DISCHARGE THOUGH...sigh

Anyway, a thought dawned on me today. Where would I be if not for psychiatric services. I would probably be still at work - getting on with life. To some extent intervention has saved my life. But I think they put this confusion and fog and irrationality in my head. I don't think I have a psychiatric illness or ever did have. Maybe I had an emotional breakdown which I could have got over myself in time.. Oh monday, monday what will you


Differently Sane said...

Hope that monday goes as well as it could.

Can't really answer question - often wonder myself since I'm sure I was more stable before any interventions... (although I must have been mad to go to the doctors in the first place... ;-)

Take care,

NOS said...

It's good that you were able to be honest with your treatment team about the meds. How did they react? I hope they were receptive to your point of view.

Wishing you well,