Monday, June 28, 2010

To Med or not to Med?

Things are getting too loud again. keep talking to myself without realising it. Except I'm talking to that voice the one that contradicts me the one that comes too often. Did it at bus stop today and only realised when people got up and moved away.

Anyway, I saw my consultant and Cco today was due to see another shrink but usual consultant shrink changed things around to see me. We had a chat which I can't really remember exact details because I was easily distracted and found it hard to concentrate. erm. I gave them my meds - all packaged in nice travel bag(was huge-6 months).

Thing is they want me on medication something about the pay off between the lows and highs not being worth it and risk blah.. I think I agreed to start Lithium this week???. Well Cco rang and said so, I need ECG tommorow.

But I am really happy at moment and I don't want it to stop. It's great - well mostly- apart from tha skin crawling hyper-alertness which I find hard to tolerate. And well- I don't know- Lithium it sounds so SERIOUS for people with real illness.

Part of me wants to delete CMHT number and fall off service wagon. Part of me remember one thing Shrink said today 'you were a highly productive person before illness and can't be as things stand, no way you will start uni etc. with these extremes'. I don't know. Am off for walk to use energy. Any Suggestions?


Kate said...

I think only you can weigh up the pros and cons of taking medication, so long as you don't get into a situation where it is forced upon you. I turned down Lithium when it was offered because of the all the rigmarole of blood-tests, keeping hydrated and so on. I don't really enjoy taking lamictal but i think it has the least side-effects and it's been most effective as an anti-depressant more than anything else. Despite the memory impairment, it isn't blunting like the quetiapine or olanzipine. If they are going to insist on you being medicated, you could maybe ask about Lamictal.
Hopefully you will be able to manage the ups and downs without meds, if not immediately then in the near future, but it would be a shame to risk your uni success if they got out of control. I was concerned for you a while ago when you were feeling suicidal again but i'm not convinced any medication can banish those thoughts entirely. Problem is always whether ot not each med is going to make things better or worse. It's often a gamble.
perhaps now is not such a good time to be making these decisions. I hope they will give you some time to think things through when you feel a little calmer.

NOS said...

I think only you can decide whether meds are appropriate for you. All I can say is that without them I wouldn't be able to function or sleep. I don't find taking meds to be such a big deal for me (but maybe that's because I have been on psychotropic medication since I was eight), so maybe it's worth a shot? Of course, it's up to you.

Wishing you well,

La-reve said...

Kate- Thanks. I think I don't know but I refuse medication and my moods continue to be what they consider to be risky. the decision may be taken out of my hands. Noone wants to be Depot. But I really don't think I need meds. maybe I have lost insight??
I only seem to be offered Vlaproate and Lithium as stabilisers and not Valproate any more. thanks for comment anyway :)

NOS- Thanks for popping by and commenting. I have been reading your blog but not got round to commenting.Hmm is a conundrum I'm not sure if I need meds to function or I am jut being convinced that. In that services seem to breed this medication dependance. take care there x

Stacy said...

It's always a struggle to figure out the right meds. I guess it depends on if you think the med will help you have the life you want. If so, it might be worth the struggles invovled.