Prof and Penance

So I went to my meeting with Prof yesterday

I told him about Scott for first time. He said I am not psychotic because these thoughts are not always there, he said it is probably a reaction to my lack of sleep. Which is about 2/3 hours a night for last few years really. I didnt try and protest I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere, and I have my own views, I dont think this is sleep related.

We talked about my care. After asking for a change in cc about two weeks ago they have contacted him. Apparently they are having a case conference about me. One of those where they get together, dont invite me or my family and make decisions about my care, last time this led to a discharge from last team. Prof. said he will suggest I attend but he thinks they wont want that to happen. It is end of month anyway :(

He said he would prefer I had a new CC so I could start afresh and agreed she hasnt exactly made me trust in her ability/care over last 6 months.

He said he was taking my file to board of directors as care has been consistently bad and he doesnt think they are doing nearly enough for me. He said again that when I die the trust will be in trouble, and that he is using my file as I seem the most risky.

Anyhow we talked about mood. and the dreaded forthcoming 8. I didnt really want to talk about it. But I did say is the neat number, but it is not the only date but preferable.

I talked about me needing to be purified through pain for being evil

I said the thing about the 8th next week is it is shrove tuesday. Shrove tuesday signifies the start of lent really. Well wednesday is start. Lent is all about atoning for ones sins. 40 days. 40 signifies the 40 years the jews spent wandering the desert after being rescued from Egypt. 40 days that Jesus spent wandering the desert being tested by the devil.
For christians it is a time to contemplate ones sinfulness to repent and be forgiven

I have so much to repent I know how I can be absolved. I have been shown.(I didnt say this last part)

I didnt talk about any plans I told him best he doesnt ask, because then he wont feel he has to do anything, and I wont have to avoid ques (I dont have any plans- so dont be concerned if reading)


Anyhow he said he would see me next friday if I get through. He said he would refer me to crisis and tell them 8th likely to be difficult, refer me for weekend. I not heard from them though. Maybe it was justto make them aware??, not sure to what purpose there.

Anyhow thats the update.