Friday, August 12, 2011

Can't peg me down,

Whatever I had or didn't have

Today has been horrible

I am too flighty, I can't peg myself down even for a minute. I took all the benzos I had left and I feel calmer but I cant sleep, I am not tired..I feel fine, but somehow it will manifest because everyone needs to sleep.

I know somewhere I should do something whilst I still can see this, but on the other hand its prob just a stage in the detox I need to push through, must not be weak.

And what, what on the possibility I did have Bipolar disorder..then this occurence would tell me it has such a strong grip of me ..I may have always needed medication, will need it. That I can't control it. and anyhow I have no meds because my CC was supposed to arrange their collection with me and hasnt and I wont contact anyone, I just cant., because they know all this and they know I dont really need them or they would monitor me, that is enough proof.

Yesterday was good, and today has been ok in moments, but my mind is fragmented and each task only ever has a little bit of me so I can do hundred things but nothing in total. I feel euphoric but uncontrollable.

I am starting to feel that head pressure, I am starting to feel like there is no release, like I dont an alien here on earth.

and perhaps, I rocked this boat.

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