Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Another week!

Well took a week of posting on blog just because I've been in place where I've needed to get my head together. Also after shrinks comment that blogland is making me worse, thought I would test out theory. The results are in and I don't think blogging is bringing me down just my everyday general procrastination.

A week!!- what has happened. Well went into work on Thursday and told them about recent overdose and where i'm at and the occupational therapist said she is going to write to managers to say I'm not fit for work and she doesn't know when I will be as looks like I'm on a long road to recovery( que- song in head- the long and winding road)

Rang GP friday and they've still not heard from consultant re: prescription of sleeps - so I booked emergency appointment and saw Doctor. Wasn't my usual GP, and couldn't have been in there more than two minutes in which I was shooved a prescription for increased Sertraline and the sleeping tablets. The result being I did get some sleep at weekend- hooray!!

Since increase in meds been getting bad headaches but no sleep at all last night so this could be impacting (I decided to have night off to avoid addiction to sleeping aids) . I feel I am in catch 22 - I only get sleep when I take Temazapam or such, but if I take these too often will build a dependancy. So I either put up with insomnia or a drug addiction.

Still feeling somewhat dissasociated from my life. I think when you have been in that dark place where the only end to your problems is that ultimate ending then you're never a million miles away from being back there. In some ways I feel a bit as though I am borrowed time- e.g waiting for the day when I go a bit further and take the right amount of tablets or do something to finish the job, I really not sure I have control over that, and so I have begun to accept it.

I have been thinking again about hospitalisation- in my mind I have a scary image of being stuck in mixed ward with people with range of psychosis ready to attack me if i dare to close my eyes to sleep (not sure how realistic this image is but have read some bad things about psychiatric wards)

Had other half of my CBT assesment and I can say I have been deemed acceptable to them. I have now been put on waiting list. I agreed to accept a trainee therapist which will mean waiting a few months as opposed to several months. Just hope I can hold on to my sanity in the mean time.

End of long post. Will prob go back to daily updates now- most likely penned in middle of night at least coherent time- apologies now.

1 comment:

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Seems like some real positives in there.

Okay so the GP thrust the prescription at you but it got you some much needed sleep. Nice on.

Being accepted for CBT is looking like a positive too, from here. Waiting list not so positive but is something to look forward to. I hope :>)

I won't comment on a stay in an acute unit as in my views. My experiences haven't been everyone else's. If you check out Werehorse's link(from my links list)...I think it is called 'A kind path' or something similar. That might help you. Again, no two stays in a unit are the same but getting as much info is better than worrying about worse case scenarios.

Glad to see you back in blogland but also glad you gave yourself time out. You must have needed it.