Monday, August 18, 2008

CBT and thoughts

Well went to CBT this afternoon spent an hour and half talking to psychotherapist and her student about what I believe are my problems and the history of my illness as well as what I can do to make myself feel better. The last question seems particularly difficult- (surely thats their job to help me with,and if I knew I would be doing it). The offices were very sparce compared to the private counseller I saw for a few sessions paid by work, but I guess thats the difference between an NHS service.

Anyway, still don't know if I will be accepted going back next week to finish my assesment and if I am deemed acceptable for the CBT (i.e not a total lost cause) they they will allow me to join their waiting list for regular sessions ( the list I'm told is couple of months long). I know I am probably not the most patient person at the moment but having to wait a month for referral, a month for an assesment and then if I am deemed worthwile a few months on a waiting list seems a bit crap to me. Not sure if I can be bothered with it all really.

Feeling particularly tired not having slept at all last night. Also got psychiatrist tommorow who will want to know all the details over the overdose, to then tell me that I need to be patient and wait for meds to kick in. Though been on three different meds for last 4 months and no benefit really. Starting to wish was back in the time when anyone with a mental health probles was given high dose tranquiliser and left in corner in a state of comatosed rest. No longer feel living my life just exhisting and going through motions, tranquiliser would at least stop my incessant thoughts and give me some peace. Maybe I will suggest this to the shrink but given not allowed benzo not hopeful on the answer.


mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi Lareve

So Monday was an assessment for CBT then? If it can offer you some pozze help then I hope they assessed you as needing some :>)

Your vision of being highly sedated and left to rock back and forth in a corner struck a chord with me. In it's own way there is comfort there. Comfort often lacking elsewhere.

Hope you have managed to sleep and if nothing else you are ticking along without constant brain hammerings.


Lareve said...

Thanks Mandy

Not sure about the CBT funny that I might not be eligible cos I am deemed too unstable and ill surely the more 'ill' you are the more in need of services you are.

Sleep still not great, waiting for presciption from GP but consultant still not wrote to her. Hey I know I don't have to tell you of the delays in getting information sent to ur GP (have read about your blood tests)

Unfortunately heavy sedation is not an option on NHS anymore-well not for me- guess they want us to face the realities of life (i.e your born, you get shit on then you die)

Hope everything goes well with ur GP and blood tests