Saturday, September 27, 2008

Am still congested from cold which isn't shifting. didn;t sleep at all last night, this morning went to gym, one because I needed to do something and I thought I would sweat the virus out of me, neither very effective

Saw the health visitor today and had to go over London and how lucky I was re:attack etc, although I still don;t see it this way and she says I need to stop taking risks re: my health and safety. I get on well with her she tells me exactly what she is thinking - at moment she says she things I'm not depressed but not in good place.

Went to work and saw Oc. Health. who have given me the green light to return to work they are going to stagger my work hours so only do 2 hours frst week, then 3 then four etc until back to 8 hour shifts. she said she can;t believe the turn around since she saw me about six weeks ago and thought it would be a lot longer before I was bcak she then asked me if I felt manic? What is it with that word starting to grate on me. IM NOT MANIC I'M JUST NO LONGER DEPRESSED. seems people were happier when I felt low . Anyway, feeling a bit anxious about return to work but maybe doing more with my days will help sleep. Not sleeping but don;t feel tired - WEIRD


Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Was mid ramble and then pressed something and lost it...DOH!

Am sensing that you are twatted off with professionals' views on your current mood. As in what they seem to be gauging.

Do you sense a bipolar label being slapped on you? Or a £10 Health and Safety Risk charge (for walkabouts around London)?

Actually, am going to send you an e:mail because my friend has been put on new meds and wanna bat that around. As in whether or not I might take the plunge and try a new cocktail. But it much too long a ramble for here.

Glad you got to the gym...not so glad the cold virus is kicking butt.

I have gone since 7 o'clock last night without lorazepam (and I only took a third of one then). That will most probably be my achievement of the weekend. Ha! xxx

Mandy said...

P.S. Also glad about the staged return to work.


La-reve said...

Hi Mandy

Twatted off with professionals pretty much somes it up- well not with them exactly, but with the need to label ehat I'm feeling and having to put a downer on the postives i'm getting at the moment.

Glad you managed to cut down Lozers - well done. That can;t have been easy- what did you do to relax then?.

Meds? well I can;t be the most positive about them at mo, but there is a time and a place for them I guess. x

Disillusioned said...

Good on you for being able to go back to work. Having done it myself, I know how valuable a phased return can be.
Meds are (imo) a mixed blessing. At the moment, possibly for the first time, I feel in control, deciding what i need to take and when. They are enabling me to live properly. I hate being on meds just because I am told to - I do much better when I understand what they do and can adjust the dose according to my own moods / needs. They can be a means of control by others - at the moment I am feeling them as a means of controlling my own moods.
Be well.

La-reve said...

Thanks dissillusioned,
know what you are saying about meds, just think things have gone down hill since starting meds but whether thats just natural progression of illness don't know. scared about starting work but phasing good.