Monday, September 8, 2008

Between a rock and a hard place

Struggling to sleep again tonight. have taken Zolpidem as well but still not managing it. I have been walking and exercising today but not tired me. Worried about the week ahead and the undoubted stress it will bring. Have told work will be coming back at the end of this month, but worried about adjusting to this. For the first time tonight I have felt my thoughts drifting to that dark place. I have been hoarding tablets. Don't really know why and know I should avoid temptation but can't throw them away. I have CBT on wednesday first session I have read mixed reviews on this but hoping it can challenge this thinking and give me some hope for recovery- been med free for nearly a week. I wouldn't say I feel better but at least know whatever feeling I have is me and not chemicals and there is some comfort in that. I do feel as though I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Pinning hopes on therapy with the enthusiasm I once had for my meds, but what else can we service users do but try our best with the options we are given? Sadly there is little movement when you are stuck here, I can take small steps to the side but none forward, hoping CBT will give me the skills to climb those rocks. we'll see.

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