Not blogged for bit had quite a busy week really. Have decided to come off the anti depressants (sertraline) as I think they were doing me more harm than good. I was high one minute crying the next and started to get hot flushes etc.I have been off them for five days and not really noticing any side effect other than seem to have more energy. I have decided that medication is not the way to go for me so I am trying to do the best I can to get MYSELF better.

This week I have been exercising - I have been out for walks quite a lot - at least every day. I have been swimming and managed nearly 40 lengths( have not been swimming for ages). I have been doing a lot of cleaning. I have started on a health food regime - lots of fruit and veg and I am trying to occupy my time. So far so good, I feel it has had a positive impact on my sleep and I have not needed my sleeping tablets every night. In fact I have never felt so energetic (I even feel like going for a run or something now but won't, as prob not best idea past midnight)

Well thats the positive part of the week. On the negative side. I went to see GP on thursday and she was concerned about me stopping meds,and wouldn;t sign me back to work yet, she contacted Mental Health team who rang me. It was not my care co-ordinator but someone covering while she's off. I couldn't understand him I'm afraid but he has made me an appointment with psychiatrist for 25th September , and I expect they will try and persuade me to go back on that or some other medication. My view on this, is that I would have been med free for over month and if I'm doing ok up to then - then why start medication again?

Other thing is Health visitor came on Friday and has told me that I am being reffered to social services for an assesment re the care of my son and they are coming on wednesday. This I feel has upset me a lot, and in some ways undone the good things I feel I have achieved this week. Yes I have depression, yes it has been bad, yes I have tried to take my life. But this doesn;t make me a bad mum and I have always done the best for him, and tried to protect him from any effect my illness might have. I feel I am being punished for being ill. they are coming to see me on wednesday I will be on my own as partner at work, feel they have timed this badly with care co-ordinator/partner away etc should I need support with what will be a bad day. I also feel that they should be off protecting children who might be in danger when it is clear to everyone who has ver seen my son and all the helath care professionals who have been round there is no concern re:his care.

This leads me to a question I have often had re: metal health and getting treatment. Is honesty the best policy? It is true that in order to get the help from the 'professional' and achieve the right diagnosis then you have to be open and honest. However, this honesty can sometimes mean that decisions are made for you as opposed to with you and can lead you to situations you were trying to avoid. Since being open about my illness I have been persuaded into taking a lot of meds that had ill effects on me, I have nearly been hospitalised. I now have social services breathing down my neck and I have been signed off work without consultation. So where is the incentive in being honest? It seems that even in our current times, where a lot of time and money is spent by the services to reduce the 'stigma' of mental health, that the only people I have felt stigmatised and patronised by is the services and so called 'professionals' themselves. Do service users only have two options, suffer in silence or be open and honest and put your health and life in anothers hands? Sadly, it appears that way.