Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Why?


Well feel like self induced crap today. Why? it's my word for the day. Why am I ill? Why aren't I better? Why did I take an overdose? Why did I ring CMHT for help? Why. Yes Why denial's identical twin.

Still a bit shaky today and didnt get any sleep despite meds. I also realise I lost a few hours between overdose and ambulance so not sure what happened there apart from thinking rocking horse was licking me??

I have just seen CC she doesn't know how to help me, doesn't understand me and doesn't know where I'm going(her words). Join the club love. But I am here blogging so at least I am not deemed a risk to myslf. Also apparently I am closed off so they find assesment difficult. I suppose the fact I never raise my voice, never cry never looked shocked and just usually nod etc means I am CLOSED OFF.

I don't know where I am heading, options either, dead, hospital or somehow something clicks and I start back on that road to recovery (just need directions to that road)

Anyway, rambling a bit, so will leave it there.......

2 comments:

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

I think there are 2 concerns for me in regards to MH professionals

1) How can they understand if they don't suffer the symptoms? They can help. Some of them genuinely do try to help but they are wide of the mark.

Actually 3 concerns

2) This assumption some have that they know better and what they say is right

3) As I said to my support worker today "My consultant only has so many weapons in his armoury. within that range he does try to help me".

My next choice ( the only next choice offered me) is as to whether to try another medication or not.

I haven't the answers only my way of self-medicating through the day.

Wish I could offer things what would be of use but I can't.

Only that I am most probably as frustrated by my illness as you are

xxx

crazyasuka said...

How are you? It's been three days.