Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sometimes I feel like the world is moving too fast people are getting on with their lives and I'm stuck, stuck in inaction and disassociation. I can't help myself all I can do is watch as everything occurs around me and I do nothing except exist.
Other times like now I feel as though I am the one moving, I am the one whirring the one with the ideas the one with a sense of power and I want to speed other people and the world up too. In the last seven days I have slept for about 12 hours in total. If I'm honest I don't want to sleep, I feel it is a waste of time, time that could be spent on other things and projects, I long for sleep and yet I evade it I don't take the sleeping pills, assuming they won't work(they haven't before) and I drink coffee late into the night.

Tommorow I see my care Co-ordiantor, I am going to tell her I feel fine I no longer need her help and not sure I was ever ill. I will discuss with her my need if any at all for the CMHT.

Not long until my training lecture for Samaritans I have volunteered to be a telephone counsellor. On friday I was signed off from my usual work for two more weeks so hopefully will be able to do both jobs soon. And then look at applying to uni as think I would like a change of career.

2 comments:

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Hope meeting with CC is of benefit.

Postcard from the edge perspective here; Working and volunteering for Samaritans and doing a uni course. Phewee! Am exhausted just thinking about those.

If you can do it all, well fair play to you but look after you first eh? xx

La-reve said...

Thanks Mandy
I understand I guess it's that all or nothing side of me working again. Will try and get some perspective.

Lareve x