Thursday, December 11, 2008

I have been struggling with the thoughts still. I went to see Shrink this morning and we had a chat etc. She is relaly good and always gives me nearly an hour. She thinks I have trust issues, generally and with trusting the services. I told her I am low at the moment. She has prescribed me Quetiapine which I will start next week. Anyway, when I got home half an hour ago the thoughts were stronger, telling me you don't want to be on meds, you don't want to live this way, do it, end it. So I have taken 32 paracetamol and the voices are quieter now, but there is a dull whisper - take more- you have 50 more. , take the rest and I am trying to distract myself. And I am supposed to be at work and I am sat here, so I guess I either lose my job or my life. Sometimes I think I have the choice, I'm in control but I'm not. I am at the beck and call of something I can't see, I can't touch but boy can I feel.

10 comments:

Disillusioned said...

La-Reve, please get some medical help now. It sounds like you need it. I know it is so hard to get the help needed at the time you need it, but please call someone and tell them how you are feeling. And please be safe.

crazyasuka said...

Oh no! Stay away from those pills!

Please call someone.

Anonymous said...

paracetamol is not a good drug to OD on. It's doesn't take immediate effect like some other drugs and you'd be conscious for a long time. It will event ually kill your liver (or kidneys, one of those).

Lola Snow said...

You need to go to A&E. 30 probably won't do anything apart from make you very very sick, but it's not worth wrecking your liver and kidneys over. If it does do something you will be waiting days to find out. Please go get checked out matey.

Lola x

werehorse said...

La-reve, I hope you have already got some help, but if you haven't please do. I hope you're ok. x

La-reve said...

Hi Everyone
Thanks for all your comments, didn't take any more than the 32 tablets, went into work very late and told them meeting with shrink ran over. I told them about OD but they said if I left to go A and E for bloods they would take it as failing return to work and would be let go. Was sick at work, headache and very sleepy but got through three hours there. Can't face A&E and psych assesments tonight. I just want to be alone. to challenge the thoughts, and I don;t want them to conviscate my stash.

Disillusioned said...

That's so rubbish by your employers. What about their duty of care, I wonder?

I know the feeling of safety induced by knowing you have a "stash" - you may remember that my counsellor recently persuaded me to give up mine - but I hope you will be able to hand it over to someone for safe keeping while you are struggling with the intrusive thoughts.

be safe.

Mandy said...

What the ....Lareve?

What the people at work said to you was disgraceful. Your health is number one priority and anyone with half an ounce of empathy would have either called an ambulance or taken you to A&E.

I am so sorry I didn't come on your blog sooner. Please ring me. You need to be safe

xxxxx

Hannah said...

I can't believe your work wouldn't let you go to A&E, that's totally ridiculous and awful! It's really good you didn't take anymore pills, keep hanging in there. Take care, Hannah

p3bbles said...

You need to go to hospital now - be safe and get someone who can take you.