Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The last few days have been ok because I have been busy. I went to work yesterday, which was a struggle and I have spent a lot of time cooking, cleaning, I have decorated my sons room, been food shopping and such and now I have time to sit down, I realise the thoughts were there and all I was doing is distracting myself.

In three weeks time it will be 2009, I never thought I would make 2009, I'm still not sure. I know I won't be sad to see the end of 2008, it has not been kind to me. And yet, as much as I want to make plans to see the new year in, resolutions and promises of 'making this year my year' I can't because I have lost that positive mental attitude and because I won't set myself goals that I know I will fail at.
Lets face it, it's not like it's going to strike midnight and I will suddenly be cured and well. I'm not going to put down my paracetamol and suicide notes forever and pick up party hats and whistle blowers. I'm not going to get so lost in Auld Lang Syne that I lose the intrusive thoughts. And 2009 will not be my year.

I keep thinking I'm cured I thought that I was last week or so, but I was just busy, lost in the energy and fooling myself because there is no cured, not in 2008, not in 2009, not ever.


Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Sometimes distracted is a good place to be. :>)

I don't think that there is a cure for mental illness. That's not to say that people can't get better levels (of function/wellbeing).

Something I keep saying is never say never. There may well be a cure in future. It may seem unlikely but it could happen. Better medications with less than horrid or more tolerable side effects may be created (if the pharma companies are called to task more often). More useful social and environmental interventions could be bought into being. Bandying some ideas about here.

If David Freud has his way...we will all be forced to work. Not such a good move...Can't help wondering how employers and people with mental illness as employees will handle that but I think that is not a consideration the Government have considered. The govt need to save some of that trillion pounds they have borrowed somehow. It has to be the vulnerable that will be targetted!

Nope, the Crimbo Spirit hasn't quite reached me yet. Ha!

Glad to read you are doing good though. Hope that continues into the New Year and your 2009 is much better than 2008 x

La-reve said...

Thanks Mandy

As usuall you are right. I got to stop looking to get back to who I was or to be cured because I can't I guess the illness is part of me. Got a feeling that if a cure is invented though, the government would decide its far too expensive for the NHS.

Jessica said...

Hi Lareve,

I totally understand how you feel and how it is so easy to think that we are cured because we are doing well and not feeling down.

This is a cycle that I dislike and though 2008 was not fantastic, I'm not looking forward to 2009, just because I am scared.

Bet you have to keep going and just believe that things will work out.

I'm trying too.

Take care and my thoughts are with you.


p3bbles said...

Hi Lareve

I know how you feel at least partly. I wonder if I will ever be free of this blight too and hope doesn't spring eternal anymore it sort of sighs in a corner somewhere.
Keep on distracting yourself as much as you can.- I hope work is going OK for you.