Monday, December 15, 2008

I Must Be Mad

Well I am still here. I never got the blood tests but it is four days and no ill effects so from that I gather I am fine. I have had a cold over the weekend though so was in a bit of catch 22 as know I didn't need any more paracetamol but so congested had to take somethng, so topped the paracetamol up further with beechams. I guess my body is immune to that stuff by now as still feel pretty crap.

My CC is coming tommorow I don't know whether I should tell her about the overdose. I am usually completely honest with them, but I'm worried that she will think I am ill if I tell her. It's not like she can do anything, the thoughts are still there, if I can't stop them no-one can. I am trying to wait, to avoid the voices at least until after christmas. It will be my son's second christmas and I want to be around for that, for him. How can he ever enjoy Christmas if Christmas is when I took his mum away.

CC will be bringing the Quetiapine, I'm not sure about that. It's a serious med, and I don't think I am that ill. That same voice says the meds won't work, nothing will. There is only one way out. How did I get here?- prescribed anti-psychotic to stabilise my mood. - I MUST BE MAD.

4 comments:

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

I don't know if you are mad or not. Depends on whose version of mad...Hmmm

I guess my version of mad is that I have been like this (sometimes better, sometimes worse) for long time.

Your problems (such as they affect you) have not been going on so long in your life. Well, from what I have read.

When I first got ill, as in realising something was seriously not okay inside my head, I was in my late teens. I didn't know it was a type of madness/mental illness. It felt nasty and wrong is all I knew.

The very first shrinky med I was prescribed was Librium. On reflection, I think that was a serious Fekk off of a tablet to give me first time round. Tried it once, the rest of the prescription went straight down the toilet.

I should have realised then that meds and me are mostly a bad combination. That's not to say that is how I see it for everyone else. Each of us has to work things through and to try things and see what is/works best for us.

Should you tell your cc about the overdose? Honey, I really don't know. Part of me is saying you should and the other part of me is saying to what point? as in the outcome of telling them could be that they try and section you..although not sure they would. Is purely a thought and there are times when people need sectioning but that doesn't always mean they then get the right treatment and care.

Is your call and so it should be as is whether or not you take the Quetiapin.

the one good thing about taking the meds (off section) is that you have the choice whether you do or don't.

Take care there xxx

crazyasuka said...

Lareve,

I'm concerned about your overdose, you seem to be downplaying it when in fact it's something.

Do you still have the paracetamol in there? The dose you took might have not hurt you (I would still get checked if I were you), but that doesn't mean you're immune, it just means it wasn't enough. It could have been...

I don't know how this will sound but, if anything really bad ever happens with the paracetamol again, go to A&E soon, as the antidote works best in the first 12 hours. I wouldn't want you to get intoxicated. Please.

Lola Snow said...

I can't really offer any sound advice, I know the right answers but obviously it depends on what angle you are looking from. As for mad? Well apparently most people these days have some form of mental disorder/diagnosis/label. I'm with Mandy, if the drug makes you feel good again, then grab it. Thinking of you, thanks for your recent support.

Lola x

Disillusioned said...

Hi LaReve

Just to reassure you on the Quetiapine - I was on it for a while (and my GP was at pains to say it was not because I was mad) - it was precribed for me to help me with the repetitive thoughts I was experiencing. At the time I couldn't get any rest from them. It really did help with that (though I didn't like taking it, so I know where you are coming from). I just wanted to say having been prescribed it, even taking it, isn't a definition of you being mad!
fwiw I don't think you are mad!

Gentle hugs.