Sunday, May 31, 2009


Sleep, is a pain in my side. I can never get the right amount. I'm not sure what the right amount is. is it ok to have two hours, if you feel energetic and awake after it? How do you stop the thoughts and give in to that peaceful black.

Every health car worker I have seen has always rammed home the importance that I sleep and I know I do some really risky and odd things after not sleeping for a while. I even collapsed in hospital after 5 days of no sleep but I have a confession to make. I fight the sleep. I think most of the time I don;t want the pills to relax me I want to be awake - almost like its a power I don't want to relinquish the superhuman ability to stay awake. does that sound odd? I guess it does.

It's not all the time, there are a lot of frustrated nights when I am up and down in and out of bed trying to clear my mind but once the thoughts kick in they take priority over the sleep and sleep becomes such a waste of my time and energy.

Well you see it's past 1 am now and tonight is a racing thought night, I could take Lorazepam, I should. Will I though? Maybe. I can hear the shrink question at hospital review next week. And did you take the lorazepam, 'yes doctor, for racing thoughts and insomnia' hmm - we won't discharge you just yet another week, and we'll see. Will I ever be free of that place? Also I am playing roulette with med taking one day i'll take them the next day I 'forget' - Inability to make decisions didn't I read that in some diagnostic criteria for something or other. Goodnight and good morning all.


Abysmal Musings said...

I know exactly what you mean about 'fighting the sleep'. It is like some fierce proud angel or devil inside urging one on, and on, and on, and the more 'good sense' we pour into his ears, the more angry he gets.

But sleep is good. Apart from when it is too much, but haven't had that problem for a long long time.

Take care La-reve, love the new colours! We've got rose bushes coming into bloom that look like that. Dx

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

As a fellow meds roulette player, get what you are writing about.

That tentative balance that never seems to last long enough.

I get's often the before and after that troubles me so much but that's how my cookie crumbles (messily :>) and you can bet your aunt flo that now I have written that my sleep patterns will disintegrate.

Like the visit before last to the GP when I said the migraines seemed to had eased off. Famous last words!!!

Hope you have managed enough hours sleep over the weekend (with or without loz) and agree with D that the new decor is funky and fab