Friday, June 12, 2009

Blip turned into bigger blip

On wednesday my son turned two. We had a really nice day at the farm but it was a reminder, a reminder of when things started to go wrong after I had him. Also I have beeen suffering from sa slump in mood and with it the intrusive thoughts. Thoughts I am evil, thoughts I have commited the things I see on the news, thoughts I need to eradicate this evil.
I took a Lorezepam on thursday morning to erradicate this thought, then I took another and another until I had taken seven I washed them down with four sleepers I had 28 more sleeping tablets to go but I wasn't trying to kill myself but eradicate the thoughts. Thing is if the two happened to collide at that moment in time it didn't seeem to matter.

i then decided to go to shrink appointment and met CC who wqas giving me a lift next part bit of blur but told her about what I had taken was very slurry and attended appointment where it was decided I should go back on the ward for a while. That was last night and one of the worst of my life. The patients were so loud and they wouldn't give me any more meds so I didn't sleep at all.

Anyway they were going to do a Mental Health Act Assesment but they decided to let me go home today to see crisis over weekened and review situation on monday. If I don't completely comply with correct med taking in next ten days they will go for a section 3 order.


Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

Sounds like a hellish time for you.

And there was me fannying around in neurosis for taking 3 lorazepam in one day. Your situation puts that well in proportion (if only my GP would get the drift).

Anyway, I am sorry to say I do not get what is going on with the MH teams involved in your care. Granted, and from what you wrote of your last day's experience back on the ward, it isn't the most comfortable of places but one minute you are in then you are home then you are like that hokey cokey gone into chaos mode. As in does anyone actually know what they are doing and how much is that helping you?

You need some stability honey. I totally (been there and done it) understand not finding the ward condusive to any kind of healing but you need alot of care support right now and unless the crisis time are actually spending quality time with you, I don't see it happening right now.

Bring back respite care, I say. It really does work as a half way place for times when those of us aren't coping at home but are driven even more round the twist by aggressive and noisy environments and mostly ignored by staff...when what we need is rest, more 1:1 care and also not to feel like we are having to be locked away.

Am angry, hurt and frustrated on your behalf..cos I know what it is like to be left dangling whilst teams try (or maybe don't try hard enough) to get their arses in gear.

I would write go easy on yourself but know that when everything is seeming chaotic inside that is a daft arse thing to am sending a hug. There is not much else I can do but that and be here for you.



That's a bit shit. And my heart goes out toyou.It might be worth looking into a mental-health advocacy service if there's a likelihood of the situation getting out of hand. I don't know where you live so can't point you in the direction. I work with the Citizens advice Bureau (mental health team) up north and we have advocates trained to assist service users managing their own care - disputing sections etc. They're very good, work tirelessly and are genuinely on your side (or at least impartial).
I'm not back in the bureau until thursday but I can see if I can't find a service near you and send you the signpost. If it's of any use drop your location here or send me email ( Also I'm on Abysmal's wn usaf weekend thingy (kate)although not sure that's linked to individuals.
Anyway - might be way off the mark but happy to help. Been in simular place in the past.
Look after yourself.

Abysmal Musings said...

Ditto everything Mandy said.

And I wish I could send concrete help, but I can't, so I can only send my biggest hug too.

It's you who counts - not the wildness - not the MH teams - just you. I hope something works out for you asap.

The number of times your Camus quote has helped me over the last year is uncountable. Try and hang on to that 'invincible summer'.

Wish I could wring your MH peoples' necks.

p.s. Just saw K's comment - I found the numbers for the advocacy service I think for your locality - they're on the previous post but one... I think...


Nottingham Advocacy Group
848a Woodborough Rd
Nottingham, NG3 5QQ, United Kingdom
0115 910 7300‎

Take care my dear, Dx

differentlysane said...

Nothing really to add. Hope you manage to get past this blip soon.

Take care,

catatonickid said...

Man, that sounds like a rough ride. Also adding my hopes that the blip passes asap.

werehorse said...

Oh Lareve, you really have been moving between different kinds of hell. I don't know what you need but I'm pretty sure it's not a section 3. I hope you can get through the weekend and find an easier place to be.
take care xx

(btw what's un wsaf? :nosey:)

colouredmind said...

This sounds like an awful time at the moment, I dont have anything to add to everyone elses comments so just letting you know that Im here and thinking about you. Hannah X