Saturday, June 20, 2009

The revolving door

Since monday I was in hospital again. After my overdose of Lorazepam I had a review on the monday and it was decided that with my low mood and recent events I was too risky to be in the community. Same old really crap food, hard beds boring, boring , boring..Hourse spent staring at walls

I really am the revolving door patient at the moment. I am only out because I convinced my boyfriend to veto the section 3 for a treatment order for uo to six months.

Two doctors and a social worker thought I should be in hospital for up to six months. What does that tell you La-reve? Your ILL,Seriously, time to face the light of day. Yet I still think I am fine, I take there pills not because I think I'm ill but out of fear of their wards. What should I do with myself? Four admisissions in three months. But no, I know better. Hmm and they won't give me any benzo and am edgy and jittery , but when I do have the benzos then am a sedated zombie. I just want to live, a normal, balanced, average life. Is that too much? -To go back before IT arrived. Want to smash it out of me, cut it away but it is me and I am it. so to erradicate it would be to erradicate me~? Not sure, off to search for a benzo.

7 comments:

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

The revolving door and the creaking one. Ha! ha!

Hope other people come on to offer you rays of sunshine. personal experiences that helped them through and anything positive.

I am off for a long bath. Perhaps I can sink a few chattering monkeys in there.

Hugs xx

differentlysane said...

Sounds like an utter nightmare.

No real rays of sunshine to offe - it's pretty overcast here (literally and metaphorically). Small furries are keeping me going at the mo.

I find chocolate helpful and cookies and... chocolate cookies?

Hope you feel better soon.

Take care,
Differently

Nick said...

Sorry to hear that :( Sending positive thoughts your way, I really hope you feel better soon.

Abysmal Musings said...

Sending you my best wishes, as ever.

I made a large harvest-jug last week, and I scrawled your Camus quote on it.

I'll send you photos.

Take care, and I hope it will stop revolving with you left where you want to be v v soon.

Dx

Abysmal Musings said...

Photo

La-reve said...

Not on revolving door for now at home. Hoping to stay here.

D- I love that jug perfectly crafted. if lived nearer would ask for a production ;0)

trio said...

Sorry things aren't going well. Hopefully they will come up with a treatment plan that works! I know what you mean about taking meds so you can stay out, I took them so I showed willing, I never wanted to.

Thinking of you.