Monday, March 22, 2010

must go forward but stuck in reverse.

Birds twittering outside my window behind. Telling me a new day has started and a new season. Should be in bed but I'm not tired. 22nd March last year was mothers day. It is the day I remember most on the ward.

Why do I remember these things. Why do they haunt my mind. Why did I go back there friday?. Want to blot them out with sleepers, cetamol, razor blades- anything.

But wont- must get better -must challenge negative thoughts. I can control my moods- willpower thats all. Or remaining under the Radar as D at abysmal musings would put it.

Going out for a walk. Cool stone under bare feet.

4 comments:

Kate said...

Just keep putting one foot infront of the other. Take care pet.

La-reve said...

Thanks Kate. Got to top of street and realised going out without shoes is not only cold but streets not very clean. Dark but birds out chirping??

Sairs said...

Thinking of you and hoping you're okay! I often dream of just running out in the middle of the night in my pj's and just walking with my little stuffed hippo Harold. Somehow I know this would probably be my second trip in a police car to the psych ward :-/
*hugs*
Sarah

David said...

Will-power? Or maybe anti-will-power? Maybe I tell myself all positive and negative thoughts about myself are deluded? I don't know the answers either.

Take care, and I know what you mean about dirty feet. Dx