Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A life line

Ok so they came and I was honest but didn't discuss my PLAN. Didn't deny having one but didn't want to discuss it because well- I didn't want to be stopped, and didn't want to incriminate myself.

However New CC and shrink could see how desperate I am and were very concerned. Shrink said I needed to go to hospital I out and out refused explaining concerns. 1. It is NOT safe - patients are not monitored, easy to kill yourself. 2. I have been threatened by patients with rape, strangulaton and one tried to stab me in the eye with pencil. 3. I have been foricably seded ated by injection for not going to bed on time. 4. I was told if I did not stay quiet and agree with staff I would be sent to PICU. 5. I was refused all contact with my son for asking to be discharged by shrink.(Dr.G). 6.I had severe breathing problems for two weeks and no one would believe me or let me have leave to see GP or something, they insisted it was one of my delusions. Two weeks later, I had x-ray and had severe chest infection which took several courses of diff antibiotics to clear..anyway you get my drift I wont go on. They said they would leave to consider options.

They did discuss changing meds. I didn't see point as I wouldn't be here anyway etc. Well after they left I did sort of feel better. I think my mood has just naturally lifted anyway. But I guess relief that I had told someone in the most, the tormented thoughts and hopelessness. Even if I didn't want help.

Anyway turns out they had planned another MHA assesment, which I may have found hard to avoid. Mainly, because someone has given Shrink my blog. (she not to happy about what I have wrote about team, and wants me to delete a few things).

Instead it was avoided by compromise. CC came to see me again (she seems very attentive) we have agreed to tell family, her to visit me tommorow and thurs and have contact with Crisis over weekend. I am to have a blood test on thursday and Lithium next week. God it sounds scary. But please let this be the one to turn things around.

Sorry if my posts have been worrrying of late, I really, really appreciate all the comments and emails though..LR . X


fine fine fine said...

I am glad that you let them in. New cc sounds good. will be thinking of you x

Bippidee said...

I don't see why you should have to delete anything you have written. You haven't (that I have noticed) identified which team it is you are under, or named any individuals, so I don't see why you shouldn't say what you like about them.

New CCO seems really good though - I am glad that she is listening to you etc.


intothesystem said...

I'm glad that you are getting some support and that your new CC is helpful. I was amazed at how much of a difference a good one made.

Sorry to hear your blog has been passed on to your psych - it happened to me too and I got a similar reaction. They wanted me to edit a few things and I agreed, although I didn't really want to. I was told I could say what I liked about them, but I had to remove any mention of the trust name or the hospital, which I had slipped up on a couple of times - so pointless though when my town is mentioned anyway as the hospital can be assumed from that.

They also asked if I could change my identifiers (e.g. Dr M, Dr N), but I said I'd get confused and I didn't see the point because unless you knew my detailed medical history you had no idea who they referred to.

I'm glad you got to stay out of hospital and good luck with the lithium!

D said...

Great to read that some compromise was possible. I also know someone who had a fucking horrible experience on her local ward , she was attacked. It became a disability issue and services eventually woke up to that fact and offered her more respite care and options she could tolerate and cope with.

As for your Shrink reading your blog .Well, that's just the way the net is , information wants to be free and all that so no need to edit your content , overly censor yourself or fuck around with your usual identifiers really, besides mental health professionals usually shine once they're unburdened of the heavy corporate cloak of confidentiality. You just wait and see, they'll be at you to post their pics next and squabbling over citations.

Mandy said...

Hi Lareve

I am with Bippidee in thinking you shouldn't have to delete anything.

A personal blog is the individual's free space (I believe) to share what they want to and express themselves, experiences, concerns etc in their own way.

As for support....am relieved that your new CC is attentive. Hopefully, that will be a continual support mechanism for you.

As for the Lithium. Your body...and I think it should be your choice. Hope it does do something pozzie for you.

Keep in touch x

Stacy said...

Glad to hear you have help available to you. I know those kind of circumstances can be tough. All the internal conflect is so draining, don't you think?
I hope you're able to manage okay for the rest of the week and weekend.