Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My ATOS Medical - What I remember

So I went my ATOS medical this morning, with the aid of 4 clonaz, which I thought would help but kicked in, not during but after meeting meaning I am now in semi-unconciousness, but it didnt relay anxiety at time. (I need to write this report now before it clears from my head.)

First I saw my CC who told me I needed to get 15 points in physical so doubt I would pass, whih luckily I knew was wrong. I had to get into the building which involved several stupid intercoms and press buttons so ended up quite frustrated and cc opened them for me,

I then went into the building and sat in the room, It smelt, maybe I smelt who knows. Anyhow after pacing about and getting up sitting down calling them scum very loudly. An old man came and shouted me and we went through. me bounding ahead down corridor at least 12 foot ahead of the examiner and CC. He did ask cc if she was la-reve which made me chuckle.

Got into room. It was very cramped.I sat just left of his desk as he mostly typed into computer. I will try and rememebr what he asked in case it helps anyone.....

He asked if I had any other problems, phyical etc - I said No I had Bipolar disorder the reason for this ATOS medical

He then asked how I got to the medical - I said in taxi and met other end by CC

He asked how many times I've been admitted into hospital - I said 4 or 5 I think

He asked if I been to hospital recently. -

To which I said no I have been offered but I always refuse. I have been assesed under MHA 9 times but that they can never fool me that way I'm too clever. and Instead I have had lots of crisis team contact,

He asked what meds I was on:-

I said I was on Lamotrigigne, Valproate and Clonaz (just precribed today) but that I no longer took Lithium because they had given me a placebo which meant no Lithium in them and I had taken large overdose to prove, but discahrged myself against medical advice from hospital.

He asked what my mood was like today:-

I said it was in the middle. I am quite angry at being there, think they are scum, had bad expereience last time but at same time bit excitable and very anxious. I then noticed a buzzer on wall which I tried very hard not to press

I then went on a bit of a rant about finishing top at school, at college and uni and being intelligent but not having consistency and desperately wanting to work but just couldnt. I got quite angry and may have asked him to find me a job???

He asked how I coped with looking after my son (full time - nursery) and how my husband coped (full-time gym)

I then went on a bigger rant about how police always after me every week or so. How wanted to be dead on 7th but somebody ruined that for me how my mood will be high soon and we both know I will either kill myself whilst high and testing invincibility or I will carry out my plan properly next time, always the 8th FEB; and that therefore Idont care because you dont need money when you're dead.

Throughout all this he just looked a bit uncomfortable and just typed or looked across at CC who didn't really say anything just nodded. although she did say I am a risk at night when I wander out alone.

He did kept going ah and giving me kicked puppy look. (thanks for that decription diff). He asked me how long it was since I felt this way, I said since I was pregnant , he asked when it was but my memory wasnt working after while I said 25 , hes 4 in June, He said that sounded about right,

He then said well nothing more to add I filled in form well and he stopped it there maybe 20 minitues in. He said things were obvious. No alarm clock question or whther I can shop etc. Was strange

I then struggled and ran up corridor where noticed I had lost CC. I turned back she was talking with the doctor. Apparently he said 'your job...I couldn't do it' and she replied 'well I certainly wouldnt do yours' - well so she says,

I don't know what he meant by this, comment to cc did I come across as difficult?

Anyhow that is best description of medical can manage in this benzo haze.

Now waiting for the rejection letter and 0 points.


Lucida said...

If you don't score 15 points, I'll eat my hat. And it's quite a big hat. Well done for getting through. Hope you can relax a little now. x

mememe said...

Well done for getting through it, am glad your cc was there. From what you say I think you will be fine. I am awaiting an invite for medical, that dreaded thump of brown envelope. Hope you can put it behind you now x

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you went and survived it. I think it's pretty clear you will get through the assessment - it sounds like the guy was quite sympathetic and realised you are very ill - if he didn't I will be completely amazed!

I hope you get the acceptance letter soon.

Seaneen said...

I would be stunned and preparing to piss in letterboxes if they didn't award you support group money. Well done for going. x

Anonymous said...

Proud of you for going. x love hun.

La-reve said...

Thanks everyone for your suport here.

Lucida- I am trying to relax but you just dont know how these things go and there is a lot at stake really.

mememe- I hope your form arrives soon, Lucida above has sent me a useful form filling guide which might help you if you drop me an email at lareve@hotmail.co.uk. I will forward

intothesystem- I hope I get 'A' letter soon took 3 months for reply last time. I dont think the man was as much sympathetic as scared. I don't know what he menat by saying'your job' and shaking his head at cc though.

Seaneen- Again we never know with these things. But I am personally drinking lots of fluids and saving myself to go on letterbox pissing with you shortly.

Purplesapho- thanks it was hard but had no choice to go. thanks for your support means a lot.

Karita said...

I'll be amazed if you don't get through. I'll joing the letterbox pissing parade.