Thursday, February 24, 2011

No help

Today I woke up and realised its getting close to that crisis point now where I fail to see any way out but OUT OUT. I decided I had to try and get help and some support in place as clearly other than Prof I am left to wade in and out of crisis until my inevitable death. Part of me didnt want to die but needed help.

Firstly I rang CMHT and asked to speak to cc. They said they would get her to contact me. please bear in mind I have not heard from her or anyone bar Prof. for two weeks. Despite the S.136 and my instability and crisis etc.

Anyhow she did not contact me back. So I rang and asked to speak to her supervisor. He was busy but did ring me back eventually. I explained that I wasn't interested in more meetings but wanted a new cc full stop. I have given her 5 months to provide me with support and she has seriously failed, even in crisis. He said I can't just change CC but he will talk to her and get back to me. She is not in the office today (so I would have waited all day for that call then). I told him that Prof. would support my request due to his dis-satisfaction with their care. I had presumed he had contacted thm like he said. But he hasn't. The supervisor seemed annoyed he dared to say their service was insufficient, and I wished I hadn't mentioned it, but I thought he would have rang them(as he seemed annoyed and said he would??). Ok so he told me to pick up my meds today whilst I felt able, and said it was my responsibility to do this and to contact cc. I explained that she said 2 weeks ago that she would ring me in day or so, and no one had even told me whther crisis had discharged me , which was inappropriate. He just seemed to side with cc(big surprise)

Not good enough is it

So I decided only way to go was advocacy. I hate phones,- especially ringing new places. But I googled and found 3 advocacy services in Nottingham. I rang the first they had message 'due to funding service now closed' . So I rang second service. After explaining my concern she said due to funding she could help me only if I became an inpatient. Feeling pretty disheartened I then rang the third number. A nice lady answered and it seemed like she was going to help, until I told her my diagnosis, to which she said 'oh, no we can only provide help for those diagnosed with a personality disorder, such as borderline' (Now that's not a statement you hear very often is it??) -Ironic really

So there you go I guess I have PALS but it is too long and too pointless I have complained with them before. They all cover eachothers arses.

And Scott is laughing and I am laughing in my head and screaming because he knew no-one would listen. They can't help the bad. I dont deserve help or service. And that bit of hope this morning has faded fast.


werehorse said...

Oh La-reve, this is just shocking, how can your CC be so utterly useless?. I don't even know what to suggest except your urge to get help is a good one and a strong one and I hope you can hang on to it. Please take care x x x

La-reve said...

Thanks Werehorse.
I took on board what u said about insight except I dont know. I dont know anymore. Anyhow, I have had 7 cc - current one by far the worst.If she cant help me in crisis when can she?
I trying to hold on but sometimes people cant do it alone. I really feel I dont get help because I dont deserve it and am evil
Appreciate your support. x

Karita said...

You are not evil. They are a bunch of incompetent, disgraceful twonks, but that is no reflection on you. You are kind and lovely and not at all evil.


werehorse said...

Well I keep losing my insight at the moment and thinking it would be an interesting idea to hang myself, so I didn't mean to make it sound easy, and I'm a bit sorry for posting that now. It's just such a contrast the care I'm getting and the complete absence of support for you that I wish I could send some of mine your way x x

Differently Sane said...

Just wondered if you'd tried ICAS they are helping me with my complaint, and seemed really helpful. They're national, and say they're for carers so you might have missed them but their head office is in Nottingham... and they didn't ask me for a diagnosis or anything.

Other than that, I'm sorry that the services suck so much.

Take care,

intothesystem said...

Things suck dammit.

Quite amused at the request for a PD diagnosis. The one time you'd welcome one!

Take care xx