Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Do I have a factitous disorder?

How do you know you have Muchausen or Factitous disorder?

Speaking to Seaneen(soorry cant do that linky thing) I said to her - do you ever feel like you might have invented your illness in your head, and then the knowledge you gained from net etc may have manifested itself in your symptoms, she said we all have these doubts.

This led me to research it, and i think there is a large probability that I may not have bipolar disorder, which never sat comfortably if you ask me but actually a factitous/munchausen type thing.

But would I know if I did? I mean I know I have never deliberately set out to deceive people or fake anything. I have certainly shunned services and refused hospital and treatment, but I think subconsiously I have been faking it without realising it.

I also spoke to Differently sane (sorry no link again) who said it may be possible that because i'm now more stable that I may want to believe it was pretend so I dont have to accept possibility may get ill again. i dont agree with that though.

you dont understand how awful and terrible it makes me feel to have put family and friends through this, and I guess to get concern from you lovely readers. And then services, who have been rather shoddy but who have wasted resources on me.

Today I went to cc and told her about this she said she didn't know, she is just a SW. I then gave her an envelope to give to her manger. in it was £1000 which was all the bank would allow for now. she took it and then manegr kept ringing me all morning, She told me they are nto allowed to take it, to come get it and give it charity. I said i wont that the only way to put things right is for her to re-invest it into care for tohers, care I've stolen. She says she will think about it. I also told cc i dont want to see anyone and waste anymore time/money so she says she will see me in two months at review when i next see prof.

Med withdrawl seems to be going well, i am down to a third of original prescription of 2 weeks ago, told cc about this she says it is my decision and that Prof must be ok as not seeing me in while. She thinks my mood is fine and dandy.

Anyhow. would I know if I had munchausen?and how can I possibly put this right, I must be really twisted.


8 comments:

mentalpoliticalparent said...

Hi

as you know I think you are wrong about having Munchausens, I don't know whether bipolar is right either- I'm not a psychiatrist.

What I do know is that even if you do have Munchausens it's a mental illness and you should be and deserve to be getting treatment and support. I would hope that upon hearing your theory your CC will be arranging something for you very soon.

Take care, you don't "sound" very well and I and others are worried about you.

Zoe
Xxx

La-reve said...

Hi Zoe

Thanks for comment, no CC is comjpletely fine with my theory and not concerned about med withdrawal. I wouldnt say she is in agreement, she did say I dont need to pay for anything they have givne me tho.
Take care

Pandora said...

I'm continually convinced that I've got M√ľnchhausen Syndrome or Factitious Disorder, and often False Memory Syndrome. I remember discussing it with Seaneen too, and she said I should read the works of a a guy called Marc Feldman. I did. I ended up more convinced that I have it!

Rationally I don't think so, but either way, as Zoe said - it's still a mental illness. Psychological Factitious Disorder can and does happen, and it's still something that needs dealt with.

I don't believe for a second that you have it though, La-Reve. I'm no psychiatrist, but distance allows a certain amount of objectivity, and whilst that may mean I don't know you or your illness well, everything you've described here, on Twitter and on FB seems wholly consistent with bipolar disorder to me.

I hope you're OK hun. Regardless of what you do or don't have, we care about you.

Take care, and have hugs

Pan <3 xxx

The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive said...

Argh, I am annoyed that I sparked off this thinking in you. Remember my point was that I *was* high, I didn't have Munchausen's even though I was convinced I had.

I'm not sure that you are convinced of this. It sounds like a defence mechanism, one of that is easier to accept than the sometimes scary truth of your illness. I am worried about you because you seem to be getting high very quickly off your medication. Please take care.

mememe said...

I am worried about you La Reve, reading this, giving the money to the manager. I hope that you will keep talking here and will get help sooner rather than later. This message "feels" so different to the last one and that is a worry?

La-reve said...

Pandora- Like you said it doenst matter what my diagnosis is as long as I get help and stay stable/well. I intend to stay well and shout up should med withdrawal not go well and things start to slip.

Seaneen- You didnt give me these ideas its doubt I've had a long time. maybe I am in denial that is also a possibility which I accept. thanks.x


meme-meme- I am fine thanks for concerna nd both prof and cc know about everything- med withdrawal, obviously money and this new diagnosis of myself. cc wants to give money back but her manager thinks I was giving it as some sort of bonus for good work (lol).x

Nessa said...

Frankly, I don't think your med withdrawal is going as well as you say it is, Lareve.

I really doubt you have factitious disorder. You have been really ill and out of control, and I fear that you're going to end up very ill again if you continue with your plans. You seem to be going high already.

I hope the manager finds a way to return the money. Please use it for your family instead, there's never enough when you have a child under your care. Don't you agree?

sanabituranima said...

*hugs* It seems you are really ill and don't realise it. I hope, for your sake, that you realise it soon.