I was so scared in a police car, in a cell and in a hospital ward for the first time. No one came to talk to me - reassure me I hid in my room huddled in the corner of the window sill. knees to chest. I didn't know it would be two months before I was free, and the hardest two months.
Today I went back to the place of my arrest. Silly really. the exact time I was there last year. I seem to mark these anniversarys. I had to go. But it made me feel sick. Scared being that high up and thinking, almost hearing and seeing the sirens the police and me, as I was a year ago. I didn't feel invincable I felt lucky, lucky that I'm here and I'm doing ok i'm alive and I get to see my little boy grow up.
I have come a long way in a year I think. I'm not going back. Forwards, maybe a little sideways but not back there. Yesterday I went for an interview for social work at university. I'm not sure I'm well enough for it yet, and will defer if I get a place but it went ok. I can see a future and I can see a life. Bipolar can't steal that, it can tag along but it can't dictate everything. I won't let it.
Still I know I won't sleep tonight. I want to give that scared, confused me march 19th 2009 a hug and tell her she will make it through.
